Touchy Subjects: Dormcest, Floorcest, and Roomie-cest

Hello again, fellow Forbesians.

How are classes going? Longing for the weekend already? Oh, wait, that's right. This is not Tower B. And we take pride in that, even if (other than the few parties that everyone on campus is invited to -- Freshman Convocation, for instance) our weekends consist of Saturday night voyages to the Hillman. Some of our more scurrilous students take a post-bed-time (9 p.m.) tour of Hogwarts, sometimes known as the Cathedral. Complete with a Sorting hat, wand, and invisibility cloak.

Let's be serious, though. Forbes can party like no other. My first paragraph simply illustrates a common stereotype that we here at Forbes combat daily. Trust me, comrades, this is not the first generalization you will battle in your lifetime. Today I'd like to talk about a couple other vague generalizations that are touted by college students everywhere; but do any of you really know what they're talking about? With the help of Merriam-Webster Online, I've comprised a list of these common collegiate concepts. Not only will I explain to you what they mean, I may also give you some more specific details...straight from Forbes daily life.

"1. dormcest

Sex between two (or more) people living in the same dorm.

Common among freshman, who excited by their newfound freedom have sex with the nearest person they can get their booze-soaked hands on. Its all well and good until October rolls around and you hate each other but still see each other everyday."

I really must commend the author of this entry. Despite some small grammatical errors which my honors-college-trained-eyes could not pass over unnoticed (i.e., Its), the truth in this description is well-founded.

Dormcest is probably one of the most common mistakes every freshman makes. Yes, many of you emailed me telling me about innocent flirtation between floor members but really, this news did not impress. Busybodies (and I mean that as the highest compliment) from the 3rd, 5th, and 6th floors emailed me about specific incidents of dormcest that have occured thus far. The 5th floor has most certainly been getting busy, but 3rd is not far behind. This is only the second month, people! You realize you will see your sloppy drunken hook-up every single day, and at every single mandatory floor event. Your entire floor will find out, and it will probably get back to your R.A. (although Kelvin may or may not be enticed to hear of sexual activities in the dorm -- more on this in another post).

"2. floorcest

Sexual activity with those on your residence floor in a college dorm. Often leads to an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend living on your floor that you may or may not run into when you want to least (i.e., drunk at 3am sick on the way to the bathroom)."

I'm not even going to advise you on the matter of floorcest.

Let me just say this: if you care to venture down the path of floorcest, and for that matter, dormcest and roomie-cest, beware of the aforesaid consequences.

3. roomie-cest

Although "roomcest" is defined as "Arrangement in which a couple shares a dorm room" this definition is almost impossible at most colleges in your freshman year. Therefore, it's not applicable to our situation. I have just cleverly coined the term "roomie-cest." You're probably wondering why you should care, but just wait...

... as always, I received a curious email in which the sender admitted that there were two hookups on his floor. Nothing special really, except that he went on to say that a certain "friend" of his had some form of relations with not just one girl, but two. Two roommates, that is. The sender did not specify a floor number, but this man needs a medal.

He needs a medal, yes, and I need information. I have to commend you, Forbes, you have been willing informants. I have much subject matter; be sure to return to this page weekly. Even daily. Sometimes hourly.

But, I need more. I won't share your name with anyone; I appreciate anonymity. Forbes Hall is full of dirty laundry that needs airing.

Break out of your stereotype. Be brave.

xoxo

The Forbes Informer